The Ones Who Couldn't Deal


You didn’t know how to handle trauma,
No shame in that, most people don’t unless they’ve been trained or been through it themselves,
But you were too arrogant to admit your ignorance and unwilling to listen
or take guidance and direction,
Instead of admitting you didn’t know how to help me,
You got angry at me for needing help,
You tried for a while, then decided that I was the problem,
You got angry and screamed and pushed me away,
And then, after I overcame the kind of loyalty I’ve always had that causes me to devalue myself
in favor of others,
When I finally left,
You turned around to all who could hear you and said, “See? She left! What was I supposed to do?
Couldn’t stop her from leaving. Her traumas were too much for her. She made some crazy choices.
Not my fault.”
Did you feel better then? Vindicated? Did the part of you that feared to admit ignorance quiet down
inside of you so that you could finally sleep at night,
Secure in the “fact” that there couldn’t possibly be something you didn’t know or couldn’t fix?
But I never asked you to fix me,
I only wanted to cry on your shoulder while you held my hand and loved me through
The greatest losses of my life
Instead, you became another loss,
And I had to heal without you,
But that’s all that ever could have happened
Because you cannot help people if you cannot admit
They know more about their healing needs than you do.

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