Valuing the Valley

Some days it’s fine,

And the trauma is only in the back of my mind

Underlying the beauty and the goodness that is in front of me

And other days,

Everything triggers a memory of something I’ve lost irrevocably

Or brings up the horror of all that I’ve seen

And I taste the bitter more than the sweet

That’s life,

Anything else is a lie

Mountains and valleys exist for a reason

And there is a purpose for every season

And we are not destined to strangle our lives

Into one of them or the other

And I think part of the problem is

That we were taught that pain is not of Yahweh,

That He is not to be found in the suffering and agony

As much as He can be seen in the joy and glory,

But oh how shortsighted!

For Yahshua Himself went straight to Hell

To show us that there is no such thing as captivity

To be found there

And every valley is exalted, every mountain brought low,

Not because our lives magically become perfected

After we achieve this point of redemption

But because we can see Yahweh equally

In the beauty as well as the ashes

So I persevere,

I will press on to see,

The goodness of Yahweh in the land of the living

And the valley of the shadow of death,

Even when the shadow manifests

For Yahweh is everywhere, all that there is

And I will not devalue Him in places I once thought

He would not deign to go,

But I will meet Him in the fire at the palace of Nebuchadnezzar

I will meet Him in the destruction of all I’ve ever known,

As I sit in sackcloth and ashes mourning my family while my friends accuse me of sin and tell me that

If I would just repent, this would end,

I will meet Him in the country to which I was not promised as He draws me out of a river meant to kill me,

I will meet Him in the wilderness as we wander for decades until we no longer worship the idols

That tell us He is only to be found in the Promised Land,

I will meet Him in a Garden in the darkness where I am called to drink a cup prepared for me,

And which echoes of another Garden in another place so that I can see there is only One Tree,

I will meet Him on a wooden crucifix with blood dripping into my eyes as my kingship is mocked

By those who do not understand,

I will meet Him in the middle of a flood of destruction so great that the very shape of creation shall be altered

Forever by what is seen,

I will meet Him in a borrowed tomb where a boulder and guards keep out even the merest hint of sunlight,

I will meet Him in the depths of Hell when I cannot remember why I bother to exist,

I will meet Him in a vat of boiling oil and an exile from all I ever knew or loved,

I will meet Him in snakebites and shipwrecks and the mouths of lions while the Romans laugh and cheer

At my demise,

I will meet Him in the darkness and the chaos, the formlessness and void

And there I will find Myself, know only Myself

And that there is as much value here

As in all the triumphant victories and resurrections that come

When We speak from Our very being to create the world again,

“Let there be light,”

For there is no separation between the darkness and the light

And there is no resurrection without a crucifixion,

And there is no way to value only mountaintops,

For they do not exist without the valleys,

And Yahweh is as much to be found in the valleys as on the top of the highest mountain,

But I am not afraid to go deep.